Back in the Promised Land

Target. The American Promised Land. A veritable gold mine of cute summer dresses, tasty foods, patio furniture, and home goods. Home of outlet Pizza Hut stands. Heaven on earth. It would not be an exaggeration to say that every single time I go to Target, I buy more than I planned on and have trouble keeping it under the triple digits. Most of everything I own comes from this divine store.

But despite its fabulousness, it can be quite an overwhelming experience when you've been on a months-long hiatus, as I was warned by fellow expats. I patiently waited for almost a week in America before returning to the Mecca of American stores. Guess what? It was even more amazing than I remembered it.

However, there are many, many reasons I should stay away from Target until cultural re-adjustment is complete.

1. The first thing you're drawn to are the clothes. Static electricity? Or just seeing clean clothes for the first time? Watch out, once you pick up one, you won't be able to stop.
2. Having not seen yourself in front of a mirror for months, you may be unpleasantly surprised to see your Africa bod when you strip down in the dressing room..."Can I get the next size up, please?"
3. The freedom of wearing skinny-strapped, above-the-knee dresses makes you giddy - how scandalous!
4. Though you've hand-washed for months, your mother's instincts kick in before check-out when you remember to check the washing instructions on all the clothes you've grabbed. "Machine wash? I can machine wash??"
5. Swimsuit season? Heaven's to Betsy. Better go for those tankinis and one-pieces...no bikinis for you this year.
6. You wander over to the food section because (honesty box) you've been too afraid to go to a real American grocery store yet. Do you actually need any of this food? No.
7. The walls and walls of food blind you and after running headlong into several customers' carts, you snap out of your daze and realize you've been stumbling down aisles with your mouth agape.
8. Uh oh...you've turned down the snack aisle. Real, processed American snacks! Oh heavenly day. But an entire wall of Ho-Ho's? You only need one box. You weren't expecting so much selection. Just grab a box and run. Run!
9. You happen to check the price tags on a few of your items and realize that cute clearance dress cost you more than your Namibian cellphone. Either this dress is too expensive or this exchange rate sucks. Oh wait, that was a terrible NamPhone. No comparison.
10. After giving the cashier a full greeting (wait...I'm not required to do that here), you realize you've filled your cart with twelve items (eleven more than you could ever need). It's time for a personal intervention. Just because you're an ex-expat doesn't mean you're allowed to give in to retail therapy. You need REAL therapy.

And that is why I will stay away from Target until I REALLY need something...or feel compelled to rescue all those cute dresses I left behind.